i haven't updated this blog because i haven't done anything to find my birth mother in over a year. so much happened in 2009 that to continue the search seemed a bad idea - why take on an emotion-laden project when i was already overwhelmed by feelings i'd never felt before? much of it - no, strike that, all of 2009 was a good adventure. when i lost my job in february, i can't honestly say i was upset beyond the omigod-i-just-got-shitcanned feeling that lasted for about 24 hours because i wanted out of that job more than i can express. and losing it led me to opportunities that changed my life forever - if i had not been unemployed, i never would have taken a month-long vacation to chile. if i hadn't taken that vacation, i would have never met the love of my life, the future father of my children, my now husband. if i hadn't met him, i never would have moved to chile to start this newest adventure.
and now i'm here. and i'm enjoying getting to know chile and being wife to my husband. but of course i miss home, and sometimes i feel a little overwhelmed and a little lost. regardless of my spirit of adventure, there are days when i need something to cling to, something of my very own that makes me feel not-so-lost. thank you, gossip girl, for reminding me of my search to find a very big piece of me.
i think i wrote here once that i was going to embrace the unknown and feel my own strength and face whatever came next...and i could argue that i'm doing exactly that merely by living in a foreign country where i can easily converse with exactly one person (the spanish is coming along but don't look for any posts in castellano anytime soon). but i know i wrote here once that i wasn't going to procrastinate communication in relationships anymore, and in a way, i've been doing just that. i'm not going to beat myself up about, i have really good excuses, but now is the time. now is the time to continue this journey that i started...three or four years from now, i'm (hopefully) going to become a mother of an adorable little dual citizen, and i want to be able to tell my little one the history of my family - all parts of it - the good, the bad, the beautiful, the sad, the biological and the adoptive.