holy shit.

so for the last several months i've been totally blocked on the whole "what next" front in this process. i googled, i lexisnexised, i....okay, that's about it. i considered ancestors.com, but i didn't want to pay a fee to get nowhere. i tried to connect with a couple of "adoption angels" who facilitate this whole process, but both of the ones i found in alabama don't angel anymore. i went to the internet, the internet gave me nothing.

and then, last night: lightbulb! how about contacting the agency through which i was adopted and asking them for some help. what a novel freakin idea - contacting a person for help, not a search engine. i would want to smack myself for my inabiltiy to find this path sooner, but i think i didn't see it because i wasn't ready to do so. the mind is a mystery (mine is at least) and who knows if i had this idea all along but only chose to reveal it to myself when i was ready to take a step forward?

regardless, i found (read: googled - thank you internet) catholic social services of my city and contacted the director to ask (1) if they keep adoption records, and (2) what their policy is on sharing those records. less than 10 minutes later i got a response, as follows:

"Ms. K,
I have checked, and all your records are on file in this office.
We will need to review your birthmother's record to see if she is opento a reunion, if so we can possibly help facilitate this. If she is not, we will tell you.
I would highly recommend that you not do anything until you contact Mrs. P, our adoption worker, and have her review the record. You can reach her at (123) 456-7891. Please discuss your interests withher and let us give you the information you need before you proceed on.

Mr C, DSW ACSW"

like i said, holy shit. deep breath, baby steps. next step, once i relearn how to breathe regularly again: call mrs. p and ask her to review the records. what if what if what if there's a "do not contact" note from CLM in the file? am i gonna be hurt, brokenhearted, pissed, relieved? i don't know i don't know i don't know. back to that breathing. baby steps.